Paul’s savoury biscuits

I couldn’t decide what to bake tonight. I had plans to make a tropical tart or some kind of custard apricot creation, but then I realized most of my co-workers aren’t in the office and most of the tart would go untouched. (Or I’d eat too much of it.)

Then I thought about making cake, but had a similar issue of not enough people to eat said cake and then I’d take it home and eat it all myself.

Then I thought, Just don’t bake at all. No one is forcing you.

And then I realized I had to bake because those are the words of the little voice in my head that says it can be done tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. That procrastinating little jerk.

So I decided to flip to the front of the book and make a biscuit or two. Or thirty-six, apparently.

Not just any biscuit, though. A savoury biscuit.

A savoury biscuit?!

Yeah. Apparently.

I don’t know how I feel about this, but alas I power on.

Time to beat an egg.

And then add a bunch of flour, softened butter, salt, water and mix it up.

Until it forms a dough.

Uhhh that doesn’t look like a dough. That looks like the thing that happens to scones before you add milk to make a dough. This is powder.

I didn’t want to mess with the recipe too much so I added a bit of water before dividing the “dough” and adding the two different savoury aspects.

Part one: add poppy seeds.

Part two: add sun-dried tomato paste and Parmesan cheese.

Now here’s the thing: that’s not sun-dried tomato paste. I went to the grocery store in search of Parmesan (because I am 80% sure that the Parmesan in my fridge is expired) and also in search of sun-dried tomato paste and I found a lot of tomato pastes, a lot of pestos, a lot of sun-dried tomatoes but not any sun-dried tomato paste. So I decided that regular tomato paste (of which I have an entire Costco box at home) is the same as sun-dried tomato paste.

Have I said “tomato paste” too many times? Probably.

I did manage to roll out both doughs into a cohesive situation and chilled them for the appropriate amount of time before measuring multiple glasses until I found one that was close enough to 7 cm. When you don’t have cookie cutters, you use glasses. Obviously.

Brush with a little egg wash, top the cheesy tomato ones with sesame seeds and bada-bing bada-boom, here we are:

FYI: chilled dough is really hard to re-roll. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to chill the dough while the other dough baked, so I did. Better to err on chill than not chill, right?

*10 to 14 minutes later*

So these happened:

They look pretty good. They smell pretty good. And I have no idea what they are.

Are they cookies? Are they crackers? Are they biscuits? What are biscuits? What makes a biscuit a biscuit? What do you eat them with? What happens when you expect all biscuits to be sweet and you’re faced with one that’s savoury? What happens when you make several dozen of them?

These are all questions I wish I had the answers to.

Next round up.

But for real, what are savoury biscuits?

I have eaten one and still don’t know. It’s like when people make cakes that look like burgers and steaks. My brain can’t compute. Time to try the tomato and cheese one.

Okay, I don’t know how this is possible, but this tastes like a grilled cheese sandwich dipped in tomato soup but in cookie form. What? What am I even saying?

Why is this one so good?

And if I eat too many of the poppy seed ones, will I test positive for opium?

I’m still confused, guys, but I’m even more confused because I’m coming around to savoury biscuits. I want more of these tomato-Parm ones. They’re so good.

I wonder what my few co-workers will think.

*the next day*

Well everyone seems to have enjoyed them! There was only one left at the end of the day and I received compliments from multiple people and several of them also empathized with my confusion over not actually knowing what I baked.

My dear British friend did inform me that anything that’s not a cake is pretty much a biscuit, so that helped clear things up, you know, not at all. But at this point, I’m starting to wonder who cares? Who cares if it’s called a biscuit or a cracker?

As that famous Bill said that one time: What’s in a name?

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