Banana bread

It’s baking time. Even though I was almost asleep on my couch when I finally got around to standing up and starting this recipe.

This whole baking blog thing takes self-discipline, something I have very little of, so there may be nights like this where it’s after 8 o’clock (sans chocolate) and I force myself to bake. But bake I must! Because as soon as I say, “I can always bake tomorrow,” I will not bake tomorrow. I’ll give up. A week will turn into two weeks and that will turn into two months. And everyone will be all, “Hey whatever happened to that blog?” and I’ll have to awkwardly dodge the questions of my incompetence. 

Besides, banana bread can’t be too difficult, right?

Considering I’ve already questioned myself twice in just the grocery shopping phase doesn’t hold out too much hope for this, but I soldier on!

What did I question myself about, you ask?

“Are these bananas ripe enough?”

Whenever my mom would bake banana bread, she’d always do it when she had bananas that were seconds away from death. That’s what you do with bad bananas. You make banana bread. So what happens if I make banana bread with bananas that are still in the prime of life? I have no idea. I guess I’ll know by the end of this post.

The second question I had is whether or not “soured cream” was the same as “sour cream.” I texted my Scottish friend to ask her. I texted my friend who also loves a good bake to ask her. They both assured me it was probably fine so here we go. Soldiering on again.

Step one, take a photo of the prime-of-life bananas.

Step two, follow step one of the recipe.

Since the last time I tried using my KitchenAid mixer it pushed all the butter to the side, I’m going to try to do this by hand. After eight. Without chocolate. (Someone, anyone, please give me a pity laugh for this joke. I’ve done it twice now.)

Question number three (I’m now questioning myself in the midst of this recipe): is light brown muscovado sugar interchangeable with brown sugar? I sure hope so because it’s happening.

Also by forgoing the KitchenAid, I’m getting an arm workout at the same time. I will most definitely regret this soon.

Confession time, folks. I skipped a step. The eggs are required to be pre-beaten and then slowly added “a bit at a time” which is much better than the “tablespoon at a time” nonsense of the last recipe. But I didn’t do this. I cracked an egg, added the egg white, beat it in, added the yolk, beat that in, and then did the same for the second egg. If this breaks some massive rule, then you know what Paul and Mary? You’re going to have to loosen up. It all goes to the same place eventually.

Also, I feel like I should have chopped up my nuts. They look too big to be in the bread but maybe not. Maybe I’ll still do a bit of chopping once they cool.

Side note: you know when you’re so tired that you reach into your spice cupboard and almost take out the turmeric instead of the ground cinnamon even though their only similarity is that they’re from Trader Joe’s? No? Just me? Okay then.

Fear not, friends who are currently consuming this banana bread whilst reading this blog post. I’m 90 per cent sure I used the cinnamon.

There are a couple of concerning instructions in this recipe. For one, it says to not worry if there’s some curdling happening when you add the eggs. On the one hand, sure. On the other hand, I’m always going to be a little bit worried when I see curdling. I think that’s an innate human survival thing.

The other concerning thing is less a concern and more a confusion. “Mix until the flour has almost, but not quite, disappeared.” This feels like something I’d read in a horoscope or in a fortune cookie. “Your life is only complete when it hasn’t yet disappeared.”

Mmm. Fortune cookies. I’d love to make those. Too bad they’re not in this bakebook.

Also, I have another confession: as I was mixing this dough, pre-banana, I thought it seemed a little too dry. I was wondering how on earth this would turn into banana bread. The moisture aspect that it’s missing? Yeah. The bananas. And the “soured” cream. It’s gonna be a good recipe, folks.

Okay. I’m either too tired to be baking or this recipe is missing a key step.

Step one is to toast 75 grams of walnut pieces. Which I did. You heard me blab on about it.

Step two involves butter and sugar and later eggs.

Step three involves adding the dry ingredients (not the turmeric).

Step four involves bananas and soured cream.

Step five is baking the thing.

And the walnut pieces are never again mentioned.

Should they not be included in the batter or the dough or whatever this raw substance is? Don’t they deserve some attention?

There’s a bonus step in case you want a streusel-topped banana bread and that includes 100 grams of walnuts, more finely chopped. More finely chopped than the now missing 75 grams that were toasted and never heard from again? What’s the deal, Berry and Hollywood? How are you missing a step?

Also I probably should have realized how late this baking endeavour was going to be, but alas I was very casual with this one. So casual I can’t read the last step and see that it’s an hour baking time. At least I’m not so casual that I MISS INCLUDING AN INGREDIENT, MARY AND PAUL.

I’m not judging. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s just kind of an obvious mistake.

Speaking of mistakes, I have another confession to make. I was supposed to press the streusel topping firmly but gently into the banana bread. I did not do that. Wowzers this could be a bad batch of a recipe. I saw that step in my first skim-through (the skim-through where I missed the hour-long baking time) and I laughed because it reminded me of a conversation between Thor and Loki. But then I forgot about it.

Is it too late to press the streusel topping into the bake? Possibly.

This recipe is rife with opportunities for disaster.

And I’m so insecure that I didn’t catch a mistake that I’m sending a screenshot of the recipe to my fellow baking friend to get her to read through it, too.

Final verdict? Well, the bad news is there’s a major error in this recipe. The good news is I’m not going crazy!

And now we wait for one hour. Or less than an hour now.

More or less than an hour has passed and the knife has come out clean because I don’t have any toothpicks.

I’ve never made a streusel topping before, I think that’s how it’s supposed to look. And now I’d like to go to bed. I don’t know how this tastes or if it’s any good or if I can even present it to my coworkers but I’ll find out in the morning. The streusel crumbs do seem promising.

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